Thoughts for Thursday: Shamming

by Katie Bock

As I sit here think of the conversation I just had with a dear friend I can’t help but wonder why we are so mean to each other.  So many of us chose to use words towards each other that are put downs, derogatory, and plain mean.  This particular conversation we had was about a facebook post on a big topic around children.  No need to give specifics as I am not starting a battle between right and wrong.  I simply want to express how saddening it is that still in this day and age we are shaming each other.  Women are calling other women bitches, sluts, bad moms and all kinds of names. 

Lets for one second put aside the fact that being a women is hard enough let alone shamming each other and lets look at something else.  We as women demand to be treated fairly, to not be put down by men and to not be called things as bitches and sluts.  Yet we speak to our fellow women in that manor.  When we begin to speak to each other we then make it seem okay for men to do that as well.  Don’t you remember the golden rule in elementary school…Treat others how you want to be treated.  It rings through all the way to adulthood.  What if we all took a step back and became mindful of our words?  Would you want someone to throw those words at you?

Okay now we can go back to its hard enough to be a women.  We are damned if we do and damned if we don’t.  We can chose to be moms or we can chose not too.  There are opinions against us on both sides.  Then if we chose to be a mom that opens millions of other doors.  Will you breast feed or bottle feed, will you make your own baby food or buy store bought, will you circumcise your boys or not, will you have a natural birth or get an epidural or plan a c-section, will you go back to work or will you stay at home.  No matter what we chose someone has something to say.  What if we said who cares and made the choice about what is best for us individually?  What if we looked around at the world and realized everyone has an opinion doesn’t mean mine is right for everyone?

Each and every one of us woman, man, child we all have opinions.  I remember as a child I knew I wanted to stay at home with my children when I was older because that was important to me.  My mom worked every day, she is a strong powerful woman and I am proud to say she is my mom.  I just wanted something different because I knew what was best for me.  That’s my opinion.  We have the power to make own choices in life and we make those choices based on our own opinions and experiences.  We make our choices based on what is best for us in the moment.  What is best is different for each and every one of us.  What makes you right and me wrong or you wrong and me right?  What if we took a step back a looked at the bigger picture?  What if we could bring ourselves to realize judgement isn’t the answer? 

We don’t typically wake up in the morning and say hey I think I will judge some people today.  Well maybe if you’re a judge you would think that.  However it often happens, we often judge other based or their personal choices.  Guess what there is not right and there is no wrong.  I said it yes I did.  We see things as black and white and the reality of life is there are gray spaces.  What is right for you may be wrong for someone else.  You don’t know their story, you don’t know their truth all you know is you.  Stop judging, stop shamming, and stop thinking your better….

We are teaching the generations below us, we are showing them that judging, shamming, name calling is okay.  Children learn from adults.  What if we all became mindful?  What if we all stopped judging?  What if we all came together to make that shift happen? To stop putting each other down and realize we are all living in this life. 


Katie Bell


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